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The days are long, but the years are short.  When I think back on our past 25 years, it’s hard to believe what we’ve done, seen, weathered and birthed. I have not one single regret. (Well, maybe that 8-mile hike we took on our honeymoon while in Yosemite which had us walking a little oddly by the time we reached Napa Valley and started our wine tours.  When we told people in Napa we were on our honeymoon, some of them just snickered quietly when they saw us hobble away.)

But of this much I am certain…. marrying Brent Bolding was the best decision I have made in my life, and I certainly would not be the person I am today without him. His love, encouragement and support for my greatest endeavors has been there without fail.  Because of him, I have taken advantage of all of my possibilities, traveled the world, seen things through a different lens, and been able to raise a family that makes us both proud.

We didn’t enter marriage lightly. In fact, in our Marriage Encounter weekend, when each of us was asked to separately respond to the one family value we held most dear to our hearts, we both answered “Take responsibility for your actions.” That value has meant so much in our marriage.  We’re not perfect with each other either.  We fight and bicker and say things we wish we hadn’t sometimes, but being able to admit we were wrong (take responsibility) and apologize has healed the occasional wounds along the way.

Not long ago, Grayson and I were having a conversation about relationships and he probed me with the question, “Come on, mom.  I mean, seriously, do you still love dad now as much as you loved him when you met?” He seemed as if he thought he might stump me, and when I didn’t answer immediately, he almost looked a little worried. But after a thoughtful second, I responded, “No.” Grayson’s eyes raised.

“I love him more,” I continued. “I mean it’s not like he walks in the door and I want to ‘jump his bones.’ It’s different. This is the man who held my hand and talked me through some of the most difficult times in my life – family illnesses and scary diagnoses and loss of loved ones. Together, we made difficult decisions about work and children and relationships that would forever change the course of our lives.  Sometimes, he didn’t say anything.  He just listened. But most importantly, at the end of the day, he was there lying beside me every night.  He’s my comfort and my security blanket.  And that’s so much bigger and better than how I loved him when we met.  I hope you find someone who does that for you someday.”

It was a real moment for me, and it was a good question that reminded me what marriage is all about. Of course, it’s not all wine and roses. There are days when I know Brent wants to smack me.  I was looking through some wedding memorabilia and so much of the sentiment from my treasured mentors focused on tolerance.  The wedding card from my mom and dad, in my mom’s handwriting, says, “There will be many happy times, but there will also be trying times. I think tolerance is the key to the trying times. To tolerate each other’s shortcomings and differences makes it work.”  Father Gus, the priest who officiated our wedding, also spoke about tolerance in his homily.  While I do think tolerance is important, I think “to tolerate” someone seems a bit negative.  I prefer to look at Brent’s weaknesses through a different paradigm, and I can only hope he does the same with me.  His weaknesses are, in every case, an intrinsic component of a strength that I fell in love with from the beginning. And when I can remind myself of that, I don’t just “tolerate” him, but I love him for the whole package.

So, on this day, I want to tell Brent how much I love him. I want to honor Brent and our marriage. I want to thank our family and friends for all of the support along the way, And I want to tell the world that we’re ready for the next 25 years!